The Velvet Trellises: Vol. 1

The Velvet Trellises: Their sound? Fresh. Their style? In-your-face. Their members? Crazy as hell. This compilation holds the true story behind one of rock's most interesting mysteries. We've given you the pieces, it's up to you to interpret them. First up is an interview when the Velvet Trellises were still young, naive, and most importantly together.

Interview after their first on-tour gig with Krispie magazine.

KM: Gretchen Mathers with Krispie Magazine. Great show!

Harley Von Davidson: Thanks Gretchen we really appreciate it.

Victoria Lasik: This is just the beginning of huge things for The Velvet Trellises.

Marcus: Dude.

KM: I couldn’t agree more. How did it feel to play for the first time in front of such a large crowd?

VL: It is a huge honor to play for such a large venue. We appreciate Vic over at Sin Records for taking the risk on us. We won’t let you down!

KM: Harley, Marcus? Do you have anything to add?

HVD: Well Victoria pretty much said it all. It’s been our dream for such a long time and all the hard work, the late night rehearsals, the towers of empty pizza boxes, the aggravated moms, and the bleeding fingers, it’s finally paying off.

KM: Marcus?

M: So yeah we were basically large venue virgins. We just had our cherries popped! Hi Mom!

At this point the band is dragged off by their handler Vic King.

The Velvet Trellises, our newcomers of the week. We expect great things from these gifted musicians.

Now we have an article published a couple years after the VT's dropped off the map.

KRISPIE MAGAZINE Article:

What Happened to The Velvet Trellises?

After their much anticipated second album Maybe Tacos Were a Bad Choice bombed, the Trellises seem to have dropped off the face of the earth. Where have these rock giants gone? Krispie Magazine searched for and eventually found the estranged members.

Victoria Lasik

Front-Woman Victoria Lasik is now singing at weddings and after finishing her touching rendition of “It’s not Unusual” declined to comment on the band’s breakup. Her only response was “Why don’t you f#$%&# ask Harley why we broke up?

Marcus

But it was the drummer Marcus who turned up next. She was easy to find, but not easy to get in touch with. She is now the drummer for the wildly popular Brad Pitt’s Girlfriend’s Head Experience, she purportedly wrote their hit song “What’s in the box? (Gwyneth Paltrow’s head)”. A woman of few words she also declined comment. She did, however, make her feelings quite clear using various gestures.

Harley Von Davidson

So it was with a heavy heart and little information that we sought out Lead Guitarist Harley Von Davidson. She was nowhere to be found. We scoured the LA music scene for any sign of this talented guitarist. No trace. Had she changed her name? Had she made good on her long-standing threat to join a roller derby team? Was she still alive? There were plenty of questions but no answers for these intrepid reporters. While drinking away our sorrows at the trendy bar Bear, we heard the staff talking about the customer at the end of the bar. Every night she comes in, orders a gin and tonic, and reads her Batman comics. Dedicated Trellis fans will recall that Harley was rarely seen onstage without a Gin and Tonic. Also her love of Batman is legendary. It would seem that we had found the elusive Harley. Krispie associate Monty investigated further. And by investigate we mean subtly examining her while walking past her to the men’s room.

The former rocker called out to us. “There a reason you keep staring at me buddy?” It seems that Monty’s multiple trips to the men’s room weren’t as subtle as we might have hoped. It may have helped if he had known where the restroom was. Hindsight is 20/20. The important thing was that we had found our quarry, this was indeed Harley Von Davidson. We approached her, she did not look thrilled.

Krispie Magazine: Are you Harley Von Davidson?

Harley Von Davidson: No.

KM: Well if you’re not Harley then who are you?

HVD: Angus Young.

KM: Really, what’s your name?

HVD: Darth Vader.

KM: Your real name.

HVD: Oh, so sorry. Anakin Skywalker.

KM: Come on Harley. We know it’s you. Just answer the questions and we’ll go away.

She was getting more and more agitated.

HVD: Fine.

KM: Why did the band break up?

HVD: I went to a hypnotist to help me quit drinking, instead of helping me with that.

She holds up her drink.

HVD: He made it so the only song I can play is Jessie’s Girl.

KM: Harley. Your fans want to know.

HVD: Really? My mom and that guy Dave from the deli want to know? Those two are our only fans, and I’m pretty certain they already know.

KM: You’re killing us here.

HVD: Okay. You really want to know? Really? It all started back in ’59. Things were hoppin’ and all the mom’s in the world were still moppin’.

KM: You weren’t even born yet, and that statement doesn’t make any sense whatsoever.

HVD: Oh, my bad. Well I don’t remember anything after our first band meeting, so I can’t help you. What day is this? No that won’t help. What year is it?

KM: Fine Harley, you don’t want your fame back? We won’t give it to you.

HVD: You have my DVD of Fame? I’ve been looking all over for that! Oh well keep it, I bought High School Musical and I like it better anyway. Peace!

So there you have it. We know nothing we didn’t know before. Victoria is still feisty, Marcus is still practically mute, and Harley still makes no sense whatsoever. Fans are left to wonder. Was the tragic disappearance of Billy Reed break up the band? Was it Harley and Victoria’s inability to see eye to eye artistically? Was the pressure of fame too much for these doomed musicians? We may never know.

Here is our first excerpt from the band member's journals.

Harley Von Davidson The Unnamed Super Badass Band Day 1

My mom said I should keep a journal, she says if we get famous I’ll want to remember where it all started. So here goes… I feel ridiculous, who’s going to care about my day-to-day activities? I don’t care about my day-to-day activities. Fine whatever Me, my friend Victoria, and my friend Lulu (sorry it’s Marcus, now that we’re rock stars) have been talking about starting a band for years. Today it finally happened. I’d like to credit my magnificent persuasive skills (trust me they’re magnificent, one might even say superbly magical, wonderfully razmatasmical, sparkly mirasmical? But I digress) for finally getting the ball rolling, but more likely it was me tricking them into meeting in our new rehearsal space (garage?) with promises of rock (pizza?) and fame (ice-cream?). Our bassist Billy Reed couldn’t make it but that was okay. I knew he was awesome and that’s all that really matters. Anyway, I think Marcus and Victoria were a little suspicious when they saw not food but instruments waiting for them.

Victoria has the voice so I informed her that she was our singer. Marcus was a total badass drummer so she became our badass drummer. While I… let’s just say guitar solos made me hot in a way that only shirtless football players had before. So I appointed myself lead guitar and lead press manager and pretty much anything that wasn’t bass, singing, or drumming. What can I say? I’m a leader, I get shit done, I rock, and I pick the name, Victoria!

Victoria may have taken a slight issue to me doing… well everything. But she’s been taking issue with pretty much everything I do since 5^th grade (especially riding that shopping cart into the tree) so I wasn’t very worried. If I’d left it up to her we’d still being talking about how much we wanted a band in her basement instead of arguing about how I’m taking over the band in our shiny rehearsal space (garage).

Now I’m not saying our band must be called Gunner Wolf, it was just a damn suggestion. She reminded me that her brother was eaten by a wolf so the name brought back bad memories of eaten brothers.. My response was A) that’s the way he would have wanted to go and B) That just gave the name emotional impact. She refused to budge so I proposed Flock of Steven Segals but she vetoed that as well. You may think I’ve left out Marcus’s part in this conversation, but in reality I haven’t. She was passed out on a stack of tires in the corner. As we had reached an impasse (Mike Tyson’s Tears is a great fucking name!) I sent them home with an assignment, maybe it was more of a suggestion yelled to their retreating backs (You come up with something better you fucks!), to please have some ideas by next rehearsal. So that’s all for Day 1 of the band log I guess? Night. Bye.