Velvet Trellises Vol. 3

Diary Entry From Harley Von Davidson

Hey journal. Still not really sure how to start these damn entries. Okay we’re all (except Billy of course) sleeping in a hotel room at Fitzgerald’s in Reno. It’s been an awesome trip. We got to play a little bit; my fake ID works (who knew Marcus’s brother could do anything right?) so I got to gamble. I lost like 30 bucks but who cares right? I’ll win it back.

The other two were getting annoyed at the light being on, so I have moved to the bar downstairs. Bartender wants to know what I want. I told him gin and tonic, it sounded cool. Who knows maybe I’ll like it. There’s a singer onstage right now. He’s singing “Some Kind of Wonderful.” I love that song. It just makes me happy. My drink has arrived. Here we go first impression, no pressure. That’s good. Really good.

Sorry got distracted, was talking with the bartender. I wanted to know where a good tattoo parlor was. I’ve wanted a tattoo since forever but I don’ want to get Hepatitis. He’s a nice guy, his name is Rick, like the guy from Casablanca. He has graciously provided me with another gin and tonic. What a guy. I yell to the singer to “Play it Sam, play As Time Goes By.” And he actually did! I love Reno. I think I’ve moved Reno to the top of my list of favorite places. Now it’s beating Disneyland and the World’s Largest Artichoke.

Okay I’m getting tired. I’m gonna go to bed.

So it’s the next day. Duh. Anyway, I went to the tattoo parlor. So did Marcus and Victoria. I thought Victoria would kill me for wanting to get a tattoo. But I guess she’s always wanted one too. So she got a dragon, I got this thing that kind of looks like a March Madness bracket. I thought it looked cool. I have a feeling this will be the first of many. Marcus got this really sweet bamboo plant thing. It kind of blends so you really have to look to see it, but it is awesome. Now we’re gonna go to the Peppermill to hang for a while. Victoria’s cousin told us there’s this really good sandwich place in there, the Sports Deli. I’m on a never-ending quest to find a perfect sandwich so we’ll see if it’s as good as he says.

Later: It totally was. Yeah Reno is my favorite place ever.

Harley's First Tattoo

Velvet Trellises Vol. 2

Band Meeting Minutes Recorded by Marcus

Harley stands up and says something. Didn’t really catch it. I’m kind of tired. Okay uhhh welcome to the second band meeting blah blah blah. Billy Reed couldn’t make it today. Is Harley the only one who’s met this guy? Whatever.

We’re twenty minutes into the meeting now. I might have dozed off. It’s cool though they’re still arguing about the band name. Harley wants the Smithsonians, Victoria hates it. Harley wants Young’s Rosary, Victoria hates it. It seems like Harley might have wanted us to do something before the next meeting. Think up something. Numbers? Nodules? Names. Right. Cool. I’ve got one.

“How about the Velvet Trellises?” I ask. Harley and Victoria stare at me for awhile. Harley likes it. Now it just needs to pass the Victoria test.

Spaced out for a second, it’s cool, I don’t think anyone noticed. They don’t appear to be fighting anymore so I guess Victoria went for it. Okay Harley is tuning her guitar; I guess that’s the end of the meeting, time to play. Sweet.

Excerpt from Interview with Victoria Lasik

Victoria Lasik, known as the mean Queen of the folk/alt music scene, sits before us wearing her trademark tiara. She appears confident and at ease. She is the front woman for the breakout band the Velvet Trellises, who just released their second single This Song is About Nothing. We ask her to talk about the early days for the band.

“It was a lot of fun when we were just starting out. I mean it’s still fun now, but you know. We’d all known each other since about the second grade, we all loved music, especially Marcus. I think Harley just liked getting to be as crazy as she wanted and being able to get away with it. Me? I liked it all. I liked the attention, I liked the fashion, I liked the music, and I liked the attitude that went along with it.

It was like I was someone else onstage. I’m kind of introverted when it’s a one-on-one interaction, but put me in front of a crowd and suddenly I was the frickin’ princess. I had attitude, I strutted, the feeling of being up on stage the first time… I was addicted.”

Next we asked her how the band started. She laughed.

“Harley had to trick us into showing up. She told us she had free pizza and ice cream and we should come help her eat it. I should have known she was lying. Harley never shares her pizza. Anyway, we arrive and she informs us that we’re a band. She also informs us that we have a wedding gig in three weeks. This was kind of worrisome; since Harley could only play about five chords and I thought I had stage fright. Marcus was the only one remotely prepared to perform. Harley shrugged it off and said we needed motivation so we’d actually play. Typical Harley behavior. We couldn’t decide on a band name until a week later. Marcus threw out Velvet Trellises and we liked it so ta-da! The Velvet Trellises were born.

We played the wedding and it was actually okay. Harley took like a five-minute guitar solo in the middle of It’s Not Unusual, hate that song so much, but the bride and groom were too drunk to notice. All in all, a very successful first gig.”

We want to know the origins of her famous crown.

“Harley stole it from the prom queen at our high school. She had this stuffed dog; you know the Bud Light dog Spuds McKenzie? Well she had that dog wear it until graduation, which was the day after our first gig. She gave it to me as a graduation present. As I recall she gave Marcus socks. Marcus loves socks but she hates to have them match, so Harley separated all of them and paired them with a different color. That summer was a lot of fun, we took a trip to Reno and I got us into an open-mike night at this bar in the parking lot of… I think it’s called the Sierra now? It was the Hilton at the time. My cousin worked there, so even though we were late to sign up we still got in. We brought the house down. I wanted to sing Heat of the Moment, Harley loves Don’t Stop Believin’, and Marcus wanted to do Tubthumping by Chumbawumba. We did all three in this crazy mash-up and everyone loved it.”

We asked about their mysterious Bassist Billy Reed. Why isn’t he mentioned in any of these stories?

“Well Billy… he’s a private guy. I didn’t even meet him until right before our first gig. Then he left right afterwards. He never came to any of the meetings, but he always knew all of our songs. I honestly think the only people he ever talked to were Harley and the guy who delivered Chinese food to his house. He didn’t come to Reno because it wasn’t a “professional” gig. I don’t know, he’s a tough guy to read. I’ve only heard him talk once. He told Harley she was on fire, which she was. She thought tiki torches were a good idea, she was wrong. His voice is scary deep, like Darth Vader deep. So yeah, that’s Billy.”

Where does she see The Velvet Trellises going in the future?

“Everywhere. I think we have the perfect balance of talent, charisma, and insanity to make it in this crazy industry. You can expect big things from us.”

The Velvet Trellises: Vol. 1

The Velvet Trellises: Their sound? Fresh. Their style? In-your-face. Their members? Crazy as hell. This compilation holds the true story behind one of rock's most interesting mysteries. We've given you the pieces, it's up to you to interpret them. First up is an interview when the Velvet Trellises were still young, naive, and most importantly together.

Interview after their first on-tour gig with Krispie magazine.

KM: Gretchen Mathers with Krispie Magazine. Great show!

Harley Von Davidson: Thanks Gretchen we really appreciate it.

Victoria Lasik: This is just the beginning of huge things for The Velvet Trellises.

Marcus: Dude.

KM: I couldn’t agree more. How did it feel to play for the first time in front of such a large crowd?

VL: It is a huge honor to play for such a large venue. We appreciate Vic over at Sin Records for taking the risk on us. We won’t let you down!

KM: Harley, Marcus? Do you have anything to add?

HVD: Well Victoria pretty much said it all. It’s been our dream for such a long time and all the hard work, the late night rehearsals, the towers of empty pizza boxes, the aggravated moms, and the bleeding fingers, it’s finally paying off.

KM: Marcus?

M: So yeah we were basically large venue virgins. We just had our cherries popped! Hi Mom!

At this point the band is dragged off by their handler Vic King.

The Velvet Trellises, our newcomers of the week. We expect great things from these gifted musicians.

Now we have an article published a couple years after the VT's dropped off the map.

KRISPIE MAGAZINE Article:

What Happened to The Velvet Trellises?

After their much anticipated second album Maybe Tacos Were a Bad Choice bombed, the Trellises seem to have dropped off the face of the earth. Where have these rock giants gone? Krispie Magazine searched for and eventually found the estranged members.

Victoria Lasik

Front-Woman Victoria Lasik is now singing at weddings and after finishing her touching rendition of “It’s not Unusual” declined to comment on the band’s breakup. Her only response was “Why don’t you f#$%&# ask Harley why we broke up?

Marcus

But it was the drummer Marcus who turned up next. She was easy to find, but not easy to get in touch with. She is now the drummer for the wildly popular Brad Pitt’s Girlfriend’s Head Experience, she purportedly wrote their hit song “What’s in the box? (Gwyneth Paltrow’s head)”. A woman of few words she also declined comment. She did, however, make her feelings quite clear using various gestures.

Harley Von Davidson

So it was with a heavy heart and little information that we sought out Lead Guitarist Harley Von Davidson. She was nowhere to be found. We scoured the LA music scene for any sign of this talented guitarist. No trace. Had she changed her name? Had she made good on her long-standing threat to join a roller derby team? Was she still alive? There were plenty of questions but no answers for these intrepid reporters. While drinking away our sorrows at the trendy bar Bear, we heard the staff talking about the customer at the end of the bar. Every night she comes in, orders a gin and tonic, and reads her Batman comics. Dedicated Trellis fans will recall that Harley was rarely seen onstage without a Gin and Tonic. Also her love of Batman is legendary. It would seem that we had found the elusive Harley. Krispie associate Monty investigated further. And by investigate we mean subtly examining her while walking past her to the men’s room.

The former rocker called out to us. “There a reason you keep staring at me buddy?” It seems that Monty’s multiple trips to the men’s room weren’t as subtle as we might have hoped. It may have helped if he had known where the restroom was. Hindsight is 20/20. The important thing was that we had found our quarry, this was indeed Harley Von Davidson. We approached her, she did not look thrilled.

Krispie Magazine: Are you Harley Von Davidson?

Harley Von Davidson: No.

KM: Well if you’re not Harley then who are you?

HVD: Angus Young.

KM: Really, what’s your name?

HVD: Darth Vader.

KM: Your real name.

HVD: Oh, so sorry. Anakin Skywalker.

KM: Come on Harley. We know it’s you. Just answer the questions and we’ll go away.

She was getting more and more agitated.

HVD: Fine.

KM: Why did the band break up?

HVD: I went to a hypnotist to help me quit drinking, instead of helping me with that.

She holds up her drink.

HVD: He made it so the only song I can play is Jessie’s Girl.

KM: Harley. Your fans want to know.

HVD: Really? My mom and that guy Dave from the deli want to know? Those two are our only fans, and I’m pretty certain they already know.

KM: You’re killing us here.

HVD: Okay. You really want to know? Really? It all started back in ’59. Things were hoppin’ and all the mom’s in the world were still moppin’.

KM: You weren’t even born yet, and that statement doesn’t make any sense whatsoever.

HVD: Oh, my bad. Well I don’t remember anything after our first band meeting, so I can’t help you. What day is this? No that won’t help. What year is it?

KM: Fine Harley, you don’t want your fame back? We won’t give it to you.

HVD: You have my DVD of Fame? I’ve been looking all over for that! Oh well keep it, I bought High School Musical and I like it better anyway. Peace!

So there you have it. We know nothing we didn’t know before. Victoria is still feisty, Marcus is still practically mute, and Harley still makes no sense whatsoever. Fans are left to wonder. Was the tragic disappearance of Billy Reed break up the band? Was it Harley and Victoria’s inability to see eye to eye artistically? Was the pressure of fame too much for these doomed musicians? We may never know.

Here is our first excerpt from the band member's journals.

Harley Von Davidson The Unnamed Super Badass Band Day 1

My mom said I should keep a journal, she says if we get famous I’ll want to remember where it all started. So here goes… I feel ridiculous, who’s going to care about my day-to-day activities? I don’t care about my day-to-day activities. Fine whatever Me, my friend Victoria, and my friend Lulu (sorry it’s Marcus, now that we’re rock stars) have been talking about starting a band for years. Today it finally happened. I’d like to credit my magnificent persuasive skills (trust me they’re magnificent, one might even say superbly magical, wonderfully razmatasmical, sparkly mirasmical? But I digress) for finally getting the ball rolling, but more likely it was me tricking them into meeting in our new rehearsal space (garage?) with promises of rock (pizza?) and fame (ice-cream?). Our bassist Billy Reed couldn’t make it but that was okay. I knew he was awesome and that’s all that really matters. Anyway, I think Marcus and Victoria were a little suspicious when they saw not food but instruments waiting for them.

Victoria has the voice so I informed her that she was our singer. Marcus was a total badass drummer so she became our badass drummer. While I… let’s just say guitar solos made me hot in a way that only shirtless football players had before. So I appointed myself lead guitar and lead press manager and pretty much anything that wasn’t bass, singing, or drumming. What can I say? I’m a leader, I get shit done, I rock, and I pick the name, Victoria!

Victoria may have taken a slight issue to me doing… well everything. But she’s been taking issue with pretty much everything I do since 5^th grade (especially riding that shopping cart into the tree) so I wasn’t very worried. If I’d left it up to her we’d still being talking about how much we wanted a band in her basement instead of arguing about how I’m taking over the band in our shiny rehearsal space (garage).

Now I’m not saying our band must be called Gunner Wolf, it was just a damn suggestion. She reminded me that her brother was eaten by a wolf so the name brought back bad memories of eaten brothers.. My response was A) that’s the way he would have wanted to go and B) That just gave the name emotional impact. She refused to budge so I proposed Flock of Steven Segals but she vetoed that as well. You may think I’ve left out Marcus’s part in this conversation, but in reality I haven’t. She was passed out on a stack of tires in the corner. As we had reached an impasse (Mike Tyson’s Tears is a great fucking name!) I sent them home with an assignment, maybe it was more of a suggestion yelled to their retreating backs (You come up with something better you fucks!), to please have some ideas by next rehearsal. So that’s all for Day 1 of the band log I guess? Night. Bye.

Velvet Trellises Biography Back Cover

The Velvet Trellises. One of the most popular bands that no one has ever heard of. Love to hate them, hate to love them, you can't deny that they exploded the rock scene right in it's face. Here we are going to feature never before seen interviews with the band, private diary entries from front-woman Victoria Lasik, lead guitarist Harley Von Davidson, and drummer Marcus, exclusive footage from rehearsal, and the communications that sparked the very public battle between the Velvet Trellises and the Limes. What really happened to bassist Billy Reed? Why did the band really break up? What was the inspiration behind their song "This Song is About Nothing"? What is Harley Von Davidson's real name? All these questions and many more will be answered in this magnificent compilation.