Velvet Trellises Vol. 4

Transcript From The Band Rehearsal The Week Before The Velvet Trellises Broke Up.

Harley Von Davidson: So, lets run through the set list, or whatever.

Victoria Lasik: We don’t have the set list. We were supposed to finalize it last night. Remember?

HVD: Sorry, I forgot. So the first song we’re doing is-

Lasik interrupts her.

VL: You didn’t forget, you blew it off to get drunk again. Look at you, you’re still drunk, you can barely stand.

HVD: I’m not drunk. I was hanging out with Billy.

VL: The fuck you were! You’re a fucking alcoholic. You reek. Gin, big surprise there. Billy won’t even speak to you. Do you even realize how much you pissed him of last week?

HVD: What? I didn’t do anything!

There’s a long pause.

HVD: Oh, what. I pull a little Johnny Cash and everyone’s all sensitive?

VL: You collapsed onstage! Do you know how freaked out we all were?

HVD: Oh like you’re so perfect? You’ve ripped apart my last three songs.

VL: They didn’t make any sense!

HVD: Well they made sense to me. Fuck, no wonder I drink all the time. And when’s the last time you wrote anything?

VL: That’s not my job.

HVD: Well you hate everything I do so much, maybe it should be.

VL: Well maybe you should right something better!

HVD: You know all the best songs come from Marcus!

VL: You need to do your part too!

HVD: Fuck me Freddy, I’m done. Let’s hire that douchebagel again, the guy who rhymes things with things. I’ll play whatever that lyrical gangster wants.

VL: Sounds like a great idea. At least he can string together two coherent thoughts.

HVD: Out-fucking-standing. So meeting over right?

VL: We still don’t have our set list.

HVD: No! Not the set list! Let’s do the set list. This song is about Nothing, then Casablanca. We’ll do the chumbawumba mash-up. Light and the Moth. The Bell-bottom blues cover. Fables, Who Will Save Your Soul, I Wish It Would Rain and close with Slap Bet. You figure out the first half okay? Are we happy?

VL: So happy.

Von Davidson storms out. Marcus, who had been sleeping in the corner the whole time, woke up.

Marcus: Are we playing?

VL: Rehearsal’s over.

Lasik also storms out.

Article about the Velvet Trellises from Guerilla Guitar Magazine towards the beginning of their career.

The Velvet Trellises. Hot newcomers to the folk/alt scene. These three charismatic young ladies and their mysterious bassist have been touring California for the last six months. They’ve played every dive bar from Tulelake to Santa Barbara, and they finally caught the attention of our correspondent Wade Parker.

The Velvet Trellises play an eclectic mix of alt, folk, classic rock, and pop. They seem to strike just the right balance of covers and original work. Their set list is very strong. They really seemed to hit their stride three songs in. This third song was an original titled Casablanca. The lead guitarist, public relations head, and all around crazy person Harley Von Davidson joined lead singer Victoria Lasik at the mic and they harmonized wonderfully. Next they did a cover of Jewel’s Who Will Save Your Soul. Drummer Marcus took over vocals while Lasik played a stirring rhythm on the tambourine. Billy Reed the bassist doesn’t have much of a stage presence but you’ll forget about his lack of mobility when you hear him play. It’s very clear that the rhythm section makes up most of the musical talent in this group but Lasik makes up for it in charisma and Von Davidson makes up for it with enthusiasm,

While watching these musicians their personas became very clear to me. Marcus is the most interested in music. She’s the strongest player and she shows more refinement in her playing. She seems very laid back and things don’t seem to faze her. Victoria Lasik has a lot of attitude and isn’t afraid to show it. A lot of anger comes out in her voice and I thinks I likes it. She isn’t the strongest singer but she does draw you in. Harley Von Davidson seems the most concerned with theatricality, dominating the stage and really including the audience. She was in charge of introducing the songs and her short speeches showed signs of a sense of humor that is not understood by us mere mortals, or really anyone who isn’t Harley. She seems to be having the most fun. Billy Reed is a mystery wrapped in an enigma. He is the most professional but other than that he was impossible to get a read on.

This talented band is most definitely one to watch. Although I wouldn’t be surprised if this band grew up fast and burned out quick. They have the fire, but can they make it into a controlled burn? That remains to be seen.

Velvet Trellises Vol. 3

Diary Entry From Harley Von Davidson

Hey journal. Still not really sure how to start these damn entries. Okay we’re all (except Billy of course) sleeping in a hotel room at Fitzgerald’s in Reno. It’s been an awesome trip. We got to play a little bit; my fake ID works (who knew Marcus’s brother could do anything right?) so I got to gamble. I lost like 30 bucks but who cares right? I’ll win it back.

The other two were getting annoyed at the light being on, so I have moved to the bar downstairs. Bartender wants to know what I want. I told him gin and tonic, it sounded cool. Who knows maybe I’ll like it. There’s a singer onstage right now. He’s singing “Some Kind of Wonderful.” I love that song. It just makes me happy. My drink has arrived. Here we go first impression, no pressure. That’s good. Really good.

Sorry got distracted, was talking with the bartender. I wanted to know where a good tattoo parlor was. I’ve wanted a tattoo since forever but I don’ want to get Hepatitis. He’s a nice guy, his name is Rick, like the guy from Casablanca. He has graciously provided me with another gin and tonic. What a guy. I yell to the singer to “Play it Sam, play As Time Goes By.” And he actually did! I love Reno. I think I’ve moved Reno to the top of my list of favorite places. Now it’s beating Disneyland and the World’s Largest Artichoke.

Okay I’m getting tired. I’m gonna go to bed.

So it’s the next day. Duh. Anyway, I went to the tattoo parlor. So did Marcus and Victoria. I thought Victoria would kill me for wanting to get a tattoo. But I guess she’s always wanted one too. So she got a dragon, I got this thing that kind of looks like a March Madness bracket. I thought it looked cool. I have a feeling this will be the first of many. Marcus got this really sweet bamboo plant thing. It kind of blends so you really have to look to see it, but it is awesome. Now we’re gonna go to the Peppermill to hang for a while. Victoria’s cousin told us there’s this really good sandwich place in there, the Sports Deli. I’m on a never-ending quest to find a perfect sandwich so we’ll see if it’s as good as he says.

Later: It totally was. Yeah Reno is my favorite place ever.

Harley's First Tattoo

Velvet Trellises Vol. 2

Band Meeting Minutes Recorded by Marcus

Harley stands up and says something. Didn’t really catch it. I’m kind of tired. Okay uhhh welcome to the second band meeting blah blah blah. Billy Reed couldn’t make it today. Is Harley the only one who’s met this guy? Whatever.

We’re twenty minutes into the meeting now. I might have dozed off. It’s cool though they’re still arguing about the band name. Harley wants the Smithsonians, Victoria hates it. Harley wants Young’s Rosary, Victoria hates it. It seems like Harley might have wanted us to do something before the next meeting. Think up something. Numbers? Nodules? Names. Right. Cool. I’ve got one.

“How about the Velvet Trellises?” I ask. Harley and Victoria stare at me for awhile. Harley likes it. Now it just needs to pass the Victoria test.

Spaced out for a second, it’s cool, I don’t think anyone noticed. They don’t appear to be fighting anymore so I guess Victoria went for it. Okay Harley is tuning her guitar; I guess that’s the end of the meeting, time to play. Sweet.

Excerpt from Interview with Victoria Lasik

Victoria Lasik, known as the mean Queen of the folk/alt music scene, sits before us wearing her trademark tiara. She appears confident and at ease. She is the front woman for the breakout band the Velvet Trellises, who just released their second single This Song is About Nothing. We ask her to talk about the early days for the band.

“It was a lot of fun when we were just starting out. I mean it’s still fun now, but you know. We’d all known each other since about the second grade, we all loved music, especially Marcus. I think Harley just liked getting to be as crazy as she wanted and being able to get away with it. Me? I liked it all. I liked the attention, I liked the fashion, I liked the music, and I liked the attitude that went along with it.

It was like I was someone else onstage. I’m kind of introverted when it’s a one-on-one interaction, but put me in front of a crowd and suddenly I was the frickin’ princess. I had attitude, I strutted, the feeling of being up on stage the first time… I was addicted.”

Next we asked her how the band started. She laughed.

“Harley had to trick us into showing up. She told us she had free pizza and ice cream and we should come help her eat it. I should have known she was lying. Harley never shares her pizza. Anyway, we arrive and she informs us that we’re a band. She also informs us that we have a wedding gig in three weeks. This was kind of worrisome; since Harley could only play about five chords and I thought I had stage fright. Marcus was the only one remotely prepared to perform. Harley shrugged it off and said we needed motivation so we’d actually play. Typical Harley behavior. We couldn’t decide on a band name until a week later. Marcus threw out Velvet Trellises and we liked it so ta-da! The Velvet Trellises were born.

We played the wedding and it was actually okay. Harley took like a five-minute guitar solo in the middle of It’s Not Unusual, hate that song so much, but the bride and groom were too drunk to notice. All in all, a very successful first gig.”

We want to know the origins of her famous crown.

“Harley stole it from the prom queen at our high school. She had this stuffed dog; you know the Bud Light dog Spuds McKenzie? Well she had that dog wear it until graduation, which was the day after our first gig. She gave it to me as a graduation present. As I recall she gave Marcus socks. Marcus loves socks but she hates to have them match, so Harley separated all of them and paired them with a different color. That summer was a lot of fun, we took a trip to Reno and I got us into an open-mike night at this bar in the parking lot of… I think it’s called the Sierra now? It was the Hilton at the time. My cousin worked there, so even though we were late to sign up we still got in. We brought the house down. I wanted to sing Heat of the Moment, Harley loves Don’t Stop Believin’, and Marcus wanted to do Tubthumping by Chumbawumba. We did all three in this crazy mash-up and everyone loved it.”

We asked about their mysterious Bassist Billy Reed. Why isn’t he mentioned in any of these stories?

“Well Billy… he’s a private guy. I didn’t even meet him until right before our first gig. Then he left right afterwards. He never came to any of the meetings, but he always knew all of our songs. I honestly think the only people he ever talked to were Harley and the guy who delivered Chinese food to his house. He didn’t come to Reno because it wasn’t a “professional” gig. I don’t know, he’s a tough guy to read. I’ve only heard him talk once. He told Harley she was on fire, which she was. She thought tiki torches were a good idea, she was wrong. His voice is scary deep, like Darth Vader deep. So yeah, that’s Billy.”

Where does she see The Velvet Trellises going in the future?

“Everywhere. I think we have the perfect balance of talent, charisma, and insanity to make it in this crazy industry. You can expect big things from us.”

The Velvet Trellises: Vol. 1

The Velvet Trellises: Their sound? Fresh. Their style? In-your-face. Their members? Crazy as hell. This compilation holds the true story behind one of rock's most interesting mysteries. We've given you the pieces, it's up to you to interpret them. First up is an interview when the Velvet Trellises were still young, naive, and most importantly together.

Interview after their first on-tour gig with Krispie magazine.

KM: Gretchen Mathers with Krispie Magazine. Great show!

Harley Von Davidson: Thanks Gretchen we really appreciate it.

Victoria Lasik: This is just the beginning of huge things for The Velvet Trellises.

Marcus: Dude.

KM: I couldn’t agree more. How did it feel to play for the first time in front of such a large crowd?

VL: It is a huge honor to play for such a large venue. We appreciate Vic over at Sin Records for taking the risk on us. We won’t let you down!

KM: Harley, Marcus? Do you have anything to add?

HVD: Well Victoria pretty much said it all. It’s been our dream for such a long time and all the hard work, the late night rehearsals, the towers of empty pizza boxes, the aggravated moms, and the bleeding fingers, it’s finally paying off.

KM: Marcus?

M: So yeah we were basically large venue virgins. We just had our cherries popped! Hi Mom!

At this point the band is dragged off by their handler Vic King.

The Velvet Trellises, our newcomers of the week. We expect great things from these gifted musicians.

Now we have an article published a couple years after the VT's dropped off the map.

KRISPIE MAGAZINE Article:

What Happened to The Velvet Trellises?

After their much anticipated second album Maybe Tacos Were a Bad Choice bombed, the Trellises seem to have dropped off the face of the earth. Where have these rock giants gone? Krispie Magazine searched for and eventually found the estranged members.

Victoria Lasik

Front-Woman Victoria Lasik is now singing at weddings and after finishing her touching rendition of “It’s not Unusual” declined to comment on the band’s breakup. Her only response was “Why don’t you f#$%&# ask Harley why we broke up?

Marcus

But it was the drummer Marcus who turned up next. She was easy to find, but not easy to get in touch with. She is now the drummer for the wildly popular Brad Pitt’s Girlfriend’s Head Experience, she purportedly wrote their hit song “What’s in the box? (Gwyneth Paltrow’s head)”. A woman of few words she also declined comment. She did, however, make her feelings quite clear using various gestures.

Harley Von Davidson

So it was with a heavy heart and little information that we sought out Lead Guitarist Harley Von Davidson. She was nowhere to be found. We scoured the LA music scene for any sign of this talented guitarist. No trace. Had she changed her name? Had she made good on her long-standing threat to join a roller derby team? Was she still alive? There were plenty of questions but no answers for these intrepid reporters. While drinking away our sorrows at the trendy bar Bear, we heard the staff talking about the customer at the end of the bar. Every night she comes in, orders a gin and tonic, and reads her Batman comics. Dedicated Trellis fans will recall that Harley was rarely seen onstage without a Gin and Tonic. Also her love of Batman is legendary. It would seem that we had found the elusive Harley. Krispie associate Monty investigated further. And by investigate we mean subtly examining her while walking past her to the men’s room.

The former rocker called out to us. “There a reason you keep staring at me buddy?” It seems that Monty’s multiple trips to the men’s room weren’t as subtle as we might have hoped. It may have helped if he had known where the restroom was. Hindsight is 20/20. The important thing was that we had found our quarry, this was indeed Harley Von Davidson. We approached her, she did not look thrilled.

Krispie Magazine: Are you Harley Von Davidson?

Harley Von Davidson: No.

KM: Well if you’re not Harley then who are you?

HVD: Angus Young.

KM: Really, what’s your name?

HVD: Darth Vader.

KM: Your real name.

HVD: Oh, so sorry. Anakin Skywalker.

KM: Come on Harley. We know it’s you. Just answer the questions and we’ll go away.

She was getting more and more agitated.

HVD: Fine.

KM: Why did the band break up?

HVD: I went to a hypnotist to help me quit drinking, instead of helping me with that.

She holds up her drink.

HVD: He made it so the only song I can play is Jessie’s Girl.

KM: Harley. Your fans want to know.

HVD: Really? My mom and that guy Dave from the deli want to know? Those two are our only fans, and I’m pretty certain they already know.

KM: You’re killing us here.

HVD: Okay. You really want to know? Really? It all started back in ’59. Things were hoppin’ and all the mom’s in the world were still moppin’.

KM: You weren’t even born yet, and that statement doesn’t make any sense whatsoever.

HVD: Oh, my bad. Well I don’t remember anything after our first band meeting, so I can’t help you. What day is this? No that won’t help. What year is it?

KM: Fine Harley, you don’t want your fame back? We won’t give it to you.

HVD: You have my DVD of Fame? I’ve been looking all over for that! Oh well keep it, I bought High School Musical and I like it better anyway. Peace!

So there you have it. We know nothing we didn’t know before. Victoria is still feisty, Marcus is still practically mute, and Harley still makes no sense whatsoever. Fans are left to wonder. Was the tragic disappearance of Billy Reed break up the band? Was it Harley and Victoria’s inability to see eye to eye artistically? Was the pressure of fame too much for these doomed musicians? We may never know.

Here is our first excerpt from the band member's journals.

Harley Von Davidson The Unnamed Super Badass Band Day 1

My mom said I should keep a journal, she says if we get famous I’ll want to remember where it all started. So here goes… I feel ridiculous, who’s going to care about my day-to-day activities? I don’t care about my day-to-day activities. Fine whatever Me, my friend Victoria, and my friend Lulu (sorry it’s Marcus, now that we’re rock stars) have been talking about starting a band for years. Today it finally happened. I’d like to credit my magnificent persuasive skills (trust me they’re magnificent, one might even say superbly magical, wonderfully razmatasmical, sparkly mirasmical? But I digress) for finally getting the ball rolling, but more likely it was me tricking them into meeting in our new rehearsal space (garage?) with promises of rock (pizza?) and fame (ice-cream?). Our bassist Billy Reed couldn’t make it but that was okay. I knew he was awesome and that’s all that really matters. Anyway, I think Marcus and Victoria were a little suspicious when they saw not food but instruments waiting for them.

Victoria has the voice so I informed her that she was our singer. Marcus was a total badass drummer so she became our badass drummer. While I… let’s just say guitar solos made me hot in a way that only shirtless football players had before. So I appointed myself lead guitar and lead press manager and pretty much anything that wasn’t bass, singing, or drumming. What can I say? I’m a leader, I get shit done, I rock, and I pick the name, Victoria!

Victoria may have taken a slight issue to me doing… well everything. But she’s been taking issue with pretty much everything I do since 5^th grade (especially riding that shopping cart into the tree) so I wasn’t very worried. If I’d left it up to her we’d still being talking about how much we wanted a band in her basement instead of arguing about how I’m taking over the band in our shiny rehearsal space (garage).

Now I’m not saying our band must be called Gunner Wolf, it was just a damn suggestion. She reminded me that her brother was eaten by a wolf so the name brought back bad memories of eaten brothers.. My response was A) that’s the way he would have wanted to go and B) That just gave the name emotional impact. She refused to budge so I proposed Flock of Steven Segals but she vetoed that as well. You may think I’ve left out Marcus’s part in this conversation, but in reality I haven’t. She was passed out on a stack of tires in the corner. As we had reached an impasse (Mike Tyson’s Tears is a great fucking name!) I sent them home with an assignment, maybe it was more of a suggestion yelled to their retreating backs (You come up with something better you fucks!), to please have some ideas by next rehearsal. So that’s all for Day 1 of the band log I guess? Night. Bye.

The dreaded chain letter

Observe this lovely chain letter that me and Greeneyes received. You'll notice that the grammar is rather shoddy and it is utterly ridiculous, but bear with us. Think about us...we had to delete all of the stupid places where you are supposed to scroll down and think about your crush. If we can do that you can read the stupid letter so you can understand our hilarious observations. Also I know this isn't a movie topic but I thought it deserved discussion.


I sent this cause I got boreeed?
DIDNT make this up. my friend sent it to me.
try it
________________________________

scroll down and read all of the directions
________________________________
u better read this!!!! PLEASE

ok i know u hate this when people send you stuff like this but trust

me i mean trust me i will never lie too any of u....this stuff is

freakin scary its sooo crazy and it works but u have too belive in

it.. soo good luck lates



DO NOT SEND THIS BACK TO T HE PERSON THAT SENT YOU IT!!! [not a good idea]
DO THIS ITS SOO FREAKY
here just do it
most people aren't sure of what they really want in life.

I received

this letter from a friend on the computer, did what it told me to, and

within a week, everything I had wished came true!! Here's an exact

copy,

this

really

works!!!!
*************************************************************
1.

To yourself, say the name of the only guy or girl you wanna be with 3 times!

*************************************************************
2.
Think of something you wanna accomplish within the next week and

say it to your self 6 times!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3.

If you had 1 wish what would it be? say it to yourself 9 times!!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
4.
Think of something that you want to happen between you and that

1special person and say it to your self 12 times!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------
5.
Now, heres the hard part! Pick only 1 of these wishes and as you

scroll down focus and concentrate on it and think on nothing else but

that wish.

Now make one last & final wish about that one wish that you picked.
After reading this, you have 1 hour to send it out to 15 people, and

what you wished for will come true within in one week!

u only get one chance!!!!! Now scroll down and think of your

crush!!!


Did you think of your crush? I hope so, that was your last chance.

Now

pay very close attention this important message!

Sorry but once read, must be sent.
Yes, this is one of those kinda

chain letters that everyone hates.
This one has been going since 1864

and if you break this chain, you will pay!!!!!! Remember that

after hearing these stories.

First Example:

Take Barbra Wallace .. She was a pretty lucky girl, up till she got
this same chain letter.
She had a crush on th e same kid since

kindergarden.
when she got this mail she didn't pay any attention to

it. She just thought, no big deal. And deleted it.

The next day her

dad got fired and her mom dies in a car crash.
If she would have sent

the letter none of that would have happened and her mom would be

alive.
Second Example:
Try Freddie D. Now Freddie D. was your average nerd.
Had glasses, was

short and chubby, was in gifted.
All the signs of

your total dork.
He also received this letter and sent it to 51

people in the hour.

Now, like Barbra , he had a crush on a girl since

3rd grade.
The next day after sending the chain the girl confessed her

love for him ever since 3rd grade. Freddie D.

finally had the courage

to ask

her out, and of course, she had been waiting to yes to that for years.
They grew up and

married each other to live happily forever.
Third Example:
Now if you couldn't relate to the others, this'll get ya hooked.
Listen to this.
A kid named Jordan Johnson was just getting on AOL to

check his mail.
He was a quiet kid, not that popular but not a geek

either. he was just normal. He saw he had mail from his friend.

It was

this exact letter.
Now Jordan Johnsen was a smart kid and he knew what

could happen if he didnt pass it on.
He simply pulled a few friends

from his buddy list and sent it along.
The next day, about that same

time, he got a phone call.
It said he had won the lottery!

then his dad came home and bought him a new bike! His mom bought him

Nintendo64 and play station! His grandmother sent him a new computer,

and his best friend

gave him tickets to the concert he wanted to go to, Kid Rock and Limp Bizkit!

Then he inherited a brand-new tv from his aunt! He was goin' wild! the

next day his secret crush asked him out, and they have been going out

ever since.
Now, you heard the stories.

I know which person i'd rather

be, but thats up to you.

I wouldn't wanna end up like Barbra but thats

only me.

We all want what we cant have but now's ur chance to go out

withthat special somebody ur waiting for. Take it or leave it.

If you

send this to-

1 person- you will lose all luck in ur love life..... forever!!!!!

10 people- your crush will say they like you as a friend...... ONLY!!!!!

15 people- your crush will say they like you

20 people- your crush will ask you out!

25 people- your crush will kiss you!!

30 people - Your crush will fall in love with you
35 people or more- All of the above!!

Don't blow it, it's ur

chance to shine! Have everything u wanted, and more! Now, complaining

cus u dont have any

friends.

____________________________________________________________
__
MovieFreek and Greeneyes' observations on this chain letter!!!
You'll notice that in keeping with the format of the letter we have ditched proper grammar.

1. it's interesting this chain letter has been going since internet has existed in addition it's funny that their they claim grammar hasn't changed!!!

2. it's interesting how a kid won the lottery wen hes not 18!!
3. if he had just won the lottery y would his parentals buy him stuff?

4. y would Limp Bizkit and kid Rock perform 2gether!!!?

5. IF its the exact letter how did the stories get their? & how a chain letter know?

6. It says if u send it 2 35 people all of the above but 1 of the above is terrible luck in your love life while the others are all good luck.
Tip: Don't send it 2 35 friends!!!

7. Y in the fuck does it have u talkin 2 urself like a crazy person!!!

By the way if you don't send on this chain letter with these observations the el chupacabra will slither through your window and rape your dog. If you don't have a dog then the chick from the ring will rape you and then peel off all your skin with a potato peeler. and pour salt on your wounds. So if you don't plan on passing this on...I would suggest buying a dog.

Sent to you by Pet-Co...where the raped pets go.

Can you think of any other funny observations. Hope you like this blog, if you don't at midnight on friday the 13th which falls on halloween this year a goblin will come and...well you know.

See you at the movies,

MovieFreek